Tutorial 1.3 - following a pattern

FINALLY! sorry, was having computer problems so couldn't post sooner.

i hope everyone managed their swatch without ripping all of their hair out. it can be pretty difficult to start with, but it does get easier, so if you feel discouraged and like you just can't do it then just try to push that feeling aside and try again. my first project i ripped apart 5 times (if not more) and started over because i kept dropping stitches so i had gaping holes, i kept purling when i should have been knitting and knitting when i should have been purling. it was a mess! but the point wasn't that i messed up but that i kept starting over. it did take me about 4 months to finish my first scarf and it was just in time for the warm weather to roll around...but hey ho.

this pattern is very basic and will give you plenty of practice with the basic knit and purl stitch so if you make it to the end (no matter how many holes you have), it'll be a great achievement and you'll be able to move on to bigger and better.

reading a pattern:

patterns are written in abbreviations. it can read like another language if you aren't familiar with the abbreviations used. a lot of them you will see over and over and you will become very familiar with them, others only come with certain patterns so the author will usually define them before they start using them. below is the pattern that we will be following:

size:

one size

finished measurements:

3 in wide x 7 in long (7.5 cm x17.75 cm)

materials:

5mm straight needles

tapestry needle

(MC) - Bernat Satin Sport Yarn in Wine

(CC) - Bernat Satin Sport Yarn in Black

gauge:

20 st x 20 st = 4 st/inch in St st

pattern notes:

start by casting on to both needles so that row 1 is knit into a loose row. knit row 1 loosely as well, this will help when we attach both ends together using the kitchener stitch.

the kitchener stitch is a very advanced method of putting together two pieces that have separate ends so that they look like they are just one continuous piece. it is a headache for even the most experienced knitter, but isn't so much difficult as it just requires every ounce of concentration. if you do not wish to attempt this stitch then i will show you an easier method of putting both ends together.

this pattern can be done using one colour yarn or can be made with two different colours. i will show you both ways of doing this. knitting with two colours is a technique called intarsia. it is a step above beginner so only do it if you feel comfortable with the knitting and purling that you have done up to this stage.

pattern abbreviations:

MC - main colour

CC - contrasting colour

k - knit

p - purl

St st - stockinette stitch

st -stitch

CO - cast on

BO - bind off

RS - right side

WS - wrong side

directions:

CO 15 st in MC

Row 1 - Row 5 (RS) - k

Row 2 - Row 6 (WS) - p

your cast on row should look like this:

this is what your piece should look like after completing row 6:

**if you are using a CC then we will begin with it here. if you are not using a CC then please continue the above pattern of St st ending on Row 36, a WS row, or until your piece measures 7" or 17.75cm.**

to add a CC:

Row 7 - Row 11 (RS) - k in CC

Row 8 - Row 12 (WS) - p in CC

Row 13 - Row 17 (RS) - k in MC

Row 14 - Row 18 (WS) - p in MC

Row 19 - Row 23 (RS) - k in CC

Row 20 - Row 24 (WS) - p in CC

Row 25 - Row 29 (RS) - k in MC

Row 26 - Row 30 (WS) - p in MC

Row 31 - Row 35 (RS) - k in CC

Row 32 - Row 36 (WS) - p in CC

your piece should look like this:

finishing:

if you are going to finish using the kitchener stitch then keep all of your stitches on your needle and cut a tail on your yarn 3 times the width of your piece (about 9" long). now take your other needle and put it through the first row of stitches at the beginning of your piece.

like this:

then, following these instructions, join the two ends together. you may have to adjust the stitched after you've finished, but it should end up looking something like this:

when you've finished weave in all of the loose bits of yarn that are hanging off the side and cut off the excess. follow the below instructions on blocking.

if you have decided not to use the kitchener stitch then BO all your stitches and fold the two ends over together with the WS facing outwards. using your tapestry needle, sew the ends together.

like this:

turn it right side out. it should look like this:

weave in the ends that are hanging off everywhere and you're ready for blocking.

blocking:

blocking is what you do after you've finished any project. it gives you the finished look and makes your piece lay flat. your fabric will grow slightly, but it shouldn't be too drastic. there are different ways you can block and you should learn which ways are best for the material you are using. i tend to steam block everything because it's delicate enough for even the most delicate yarns but it's quick so it will finish your project quickly. and i'm impatient so this works for me.

to steam block, lay your armband out on an ironing board and pass your iron over it without actually touching it and hit your steam button. if you press the iron onto your yarn you will flatten your stitches and they'll go all floppy and funny looking so it's important that you don't do that. now remove the iron and stretch the fabric (gently) into the shape you want and then hold it down again and pass the iron over again. do this over and over until it's laying flat and in the shape you want.

YOU'RE FINISHED!

hope this all makes sense. sorry it took so long to write this up. these are my tutorials finished. if you are still interested in doing more or in learning how to troubleshoot some basic problems like picking up a dropped stitch or how to use your knit and purl stitch to make a pretty pattern then let me know and i'll do another set of tutorials. and remember, no matter how difficult this seems, it does get easier with practice. and the more mistakes you make, the better you'll get.

Tutorial 1.2 - knitting a swatch

i hope everyone had a merry christmas and has recovered some what.

assuming you now have your needles and yarn, we'll go ahead and start this tutorial with learning what you need to know to knit.

i'll start by warning you that these videos are pretty poor. not just because i'm not that great at explaining, but because i also have a really bad camera that doesn't really stay in focus and because i couldn't seem to get good lighting for most of them. after about 50 takes, though, i just gave up and decided that if you couldn't work out what i was doing then you could probably find thousands of really nice professional videos on youtube.com to get you through it. but i've left them on here so that if for no other reason, you can have a good laugh.

casting on:

to start any project you must first "cast on" (abbreviated CO). casting on is the act of getting your first set of stitches (abbreviated st) on to your needles. there are several different methods, but the basic one that gives a fairly elastic edge and works for most projects is called the double cast on method. the following video will show you how to do this (it's best to watch the whole video before trying to do it yourself):

now cast on 20 stitches (CO 20 st).

after you've CO, you will begin working your rows. every row in a pattern is numbered and then given a corresponding label of either wrong side (WS) or right side (RS), depending on what side of the project you are knitting. WS refers to the side of the fabric that faces inwards and RS refers to the side that will face outwards. generally, the odd rows are the WS rows and the evens are the RS, but this isn't always the case so make sure you always check your pattern.

knit stitch:

there are only 2 stitches you will ever need to know, a knit stitch (abbreviated k) and a purl stitch (abbreviated p). all patterns are determined by the order or way you do these stitches.

we will start with the knit stitch:

Row 1 (RS): k 20 st

purl stitch:

the next row you will purl (p):

Row 2 (WS): p 20 st

now continue by following the below pattern:

Row3-Row 19 (RS): k 20 st

Row 4-Row 20 (WS): p 20 st

this means that for rows 3 to 19 you will knit all of the right side rows and for rows 4 to 20 you will purl all of the wrong side rows.

the above pattern is for stockinette stitch, the nice braided look that most sweaters have. it's fairly easy, just knit every other row and purl every other. another simple pattern is garter stitch, where you just knit every row to the end.

casting off/binding off:

you now need to get all of your stitches off of the needle in a way that keeps them from unravelling, this is binding off, or casting off stitches.

now bind off 20 stitches (BO 20 st).

now you've finished your swatch! so why have you done this? every time you start a project you need to knit a swatch using the yarn that you plan on knitting your piece in. this will let you know just how many stitches per inch your needle and yarn will yield, this is called your gauge. once you've knitted a swatch you'll need to lay it flat and lay a ruler or measuring tape over it from one end to the other and measure how many inches your swatch is. my swatch measures 4 inches across. since i have 20 stitches on my needle, that means i can get 5 stitches per inch (20÷4 =5). this means that if i want to knit a sweater that is 30 inches around then i'll have to cast on 150 stitches (30 x 5 = 150). if you have a fraction then try to round it to the nearest whole number. so if you have 4.25 stitches per inch then 30 x 4.25 = 127.5 st, so either CO 127 or 128 st, one stitch won't make that much difference. just make sure you round AFTER you've done the math or else you'll end up adding loads or missing out loads of stitches.

for our armband i'd say it should be about 3 inches wide so i would CO 15 st with the yarn and needles that i am using.

that's it for the second tutorial! the next tutorial we'll start with the pattern for our project and we'll start knitting our armband. hopefully, it won't take me so long next time because i won't be doing videos. damn that was hard work!

Tutorial 1.1 - my first ever knitting tutorial (yikes!) - the basics

okay, because i love to knit and because some people have said they want to learn, i've decided to try my hand at this teaching thing. before i go any further i feel i should put this disclaimer up, i could easily be the worst person for giving instruction.

i tend to skip important details when i'm explaining something i know, but i'm really really going to try to do the best i can at walking you through knitting your own beginner's project. however, it is impossible for me to sit here and go through everything there is to know about knitting, so if you are really keen and want to know other methods (like the continental style of knitting, because i use the english method) or how to do pom poms or something then i would recommend one of these great books:

Stitch 'n Bitch: A Knitter's Handbook, by Debbie Stoller

The Knitter's Handbook: Yarns, Needles, Stitches, Techniques, by Various

Domiknitrix, by Jennifer Stafford

i'm going to post these tutorials regularly (every day or 2) so that we can all go at a slow enough pace without losing interest (hopefully).

the project i've decided to do is a wrist band. it's very simple and will teach you the basics. it's also small enough so that you can hopefully finish it without getting bored. i think so many people start with a scarf and find that after 5 rows they just can't be bothered with it anymore.

here's a finished one:

an introduction to the basics:

every project you take on will require at least yarn, needles, scissors, ruler/measuring tape and a tapestry needle.

yarn:

yarn comes in loads of different "weights", that is thickness. they range from the lightest weight, called fingering or baby or 4-ply, then up to double knit (DK) or sport, then to worsted (or Aran), then up to the chunkies and extra chunkies. below is a picture of just a few weights, (top to bottom), double knit, extra chunky and 4-ply.

yarns also come in a range of fibers: acrylic, alpaca, cashmere, hemp, the list goes on, and what you use usually just depends on what you're planning to make. it has to be said that one of my pet peeves is that all yarn is referred to as wool when in fact wool is a type of fiber, just like hemp or polyester. i suppose it's like how back in texas we refer to ever fizzy drink as "coke" when coke is just a type of drink. still, it drives me mad!

when you are looking at yarn you'll notice every skein or ball or hank (that's the term for the wound up bit of prepackaged yarn that's sitting on the shop shelf) has a label that looks something like this:

on every label there are washing instructions (you can see at the top of this label), the weight and name (Rowan - Pure Wool DK - 50g on this one), the fiber contents (you can barely make it out cause my picture wasn't zoomed enough), the colour and dye lot and the recommended needle size and gauge. here's a better look at the latter:

depending on your region, needles are measured differently. in the US needles are assigned a number, but in the UK the majority of needles and patterns use mm measurements for their needles. on this label the suggested needle size is a US 6 or a UK 4mm (also called a UK 8, but i rarely find this measurement used in the UK). to the right of this you'll see a grid. this tells you your gauge, which we'll get into later when i discuss knitting a swatch.

needles:

so a little more about needles...there are 3 basic types of needles that you will knit on: straight needles (the purple ones in the picture below), circular needles (2 needles joined by a long bit of plastic cord) and double pointed needles (abbreviated dpn in patterns and are the bottom set of needles in the picture). needles are also made of different materials. i like aluminium because they're cheap and slide pretty easily, but you can also get really nice ones made of bamboo or really cheap plastic ones.

you are also able to buy more specific detail needles for your projects. in the photo below i've also included a cable knit needle (the one that looks crooked) and a crochet hook (good for adding nice trims).

for your first project i would recommend starting with a thicker acrylic DK yarn and a size 8 (5mm) straight needle. if you are going to knit the arm band you can get one or two colours. i will show you how to do it either way and it is completely up to you which way you choose to do it. knitting with 2 colours can be a little more challenging, but if you are like me you need a little challenge to keep your interest.

once you have your yarn and needles you are ready to start!

i'll give you a couple days to hunt these down and then i'll post the next tutorial on boxing day in the evening (that's the day after christmas for all you americans), when we'll learn the basics of knitting and how to knit a swatch to determine your gauge.

if you have questions about anything i've said above then please ask. if you're struggling with yarns and needles then i'm more than happy to help.

I hope every one has a wonderful Christmas and see you back here in a few days!

G's first 6 months

my little girl will be 6 months tomorrow. at the risk of sounding cliché, the time has flown by. it's amazing to see how much she's grown and all the new skills she's learned. she is always taking everything in; always has since birth, and when she works something out i just feel so proud of her.

just a quick recap or her first 6 months:

we had the issues with establishing breastfeeeding, but once we had it down it was a wonderful bonding experience. she has always been a little booby monster and regularly fed every hour until she was about 3 months old.

after a week of crying and not wanting to sleep we discovered co-sleeping and have found it a lifesaver and a wonderful time to cuddle each other. there's nothing like waking up to my little girl's big gummy smiles.

at about 3 1/2 months we had our first roll from tummy to back, but we are still waiting for her to go from back to tummy. we don't get much tummy time anymore because she loves sitting up now, a skill that came at about 4 1/2 months. we also have lots of laughing now and nick and i are forever trying for it. it means we usually just dance around making loads of funny faces and putting on crazy voices; what we do for our babies.

the last 6 months have been so amazing, and again, i know it's cliche, but i just never thought it was possible to love somebody this way. everyone always told me that being a mother was an unmatched experience and they'd always go on about love like nothing else, but i just don't think it's anything that can be fully comprehended until you are actually on that side of the fence. my whole perspective on life has changed. i don't look at anything from my own eyes anymore, i look at everything from her eyes. if i do something, how will that affect her life? if something happens to me, how will she get on? all of my choices have gone from "would my mother be proud of me?" to "would my daughter be proud of me?"

so here are a few pictures of my little girl growing over the last 6 months:

...and i thought labour would be the hardest part

gracie is going to be 8 weeks on friday and i just can't believe it. it's amazing how each week she grows and how in that time our relationship grows and changes.

i thought that giving birth was going to be the hardest part of having gracie, but over the last 8 weeks i've found myself on a journey that i would consider to have been harder than any part of my labour ever was. that journey was establishing breastfeeding.

i'm not really sure what i expected but i think i was under the impression that babies were born being experts at breastfeeding. i'd been told so many times that it was a natural thing for them to do once they were born, but i guess what the midwives meant to say was that they are born with the rooting instinct, that's all. they aren't born knowing how to latch and most mothers are about as knowledgeable starting out as their newborn baby. i know i was!

when gracie was born the midwife present put her on my chest and she immediately fed. i was in such a world of my own, in awe of everything, and wasn't in anyway paying attention to how the midwife latched her on. a few hours later i tried it myself and gracie seemed to be feeding fine so i continued on with what i was doing. after a couple of hours of feeding my boobs began to hurt. this only continued to get worse. i'll spare you all the details, but i'll say that my nipples began to look like something straight out of a horror show. the pain that i felt every time gracie latched on made my toes curl under and my eyes want to roll back; it was excruciating! i had a nursery nurse from the hospital watch me latch her on and she was pleased and said it looked fine, but it wasn't until 1 week later that a visiting midwife told me i was doing it wrong and showed me the proper way of doing it. AH! what a revelation! or so i thought...

the midwife left and a couple of hours later i had to do it on my own. cue failure. it wasn't as easy as i'd thought. i struggled and struggled but i just knew that i wanted to do this so much for my little gracie that i just had to get myself through it. so i persevered with every feed and after 2 weeks of persevering we finally managed to work out our latch and my boobies started to look somewhat normal again. and what i learned from this was lesson #1: babies are NEVER born knowing how to breastfeed, it's a learning process for both mother and child. gracie didn't open her mouth perfectly to start with, sometimes it was a struggle to get her to open her mouth at all. she'd turn her head every which way except the right way, she'd squirm, she'd fight me, sometimes she'd finally open her mouth wide enough only to shove her own fist in it. and most times she'd just sit there and scream and scream for food and all i could do was sit there and cry and cry, feeling like such a failure, because i couldn't get her to just latch on to my boob. and 8 weeks on we still have some struggles and i'm sure there will always be bad latches, but i'm definitely more comfortable with it and i'm confident that gracie is too.

i also never realised just how often babies eat and how this could affect me, both physically and emotionally. to start with she fed constantly. and by constantly i mean we were probably attached to each other for 15 hours of the day. she even fed while i ate and while i slept. i felt like i didn't have a minute aside from feeding her and like i was just one big boob. i mentioned it to the nursery nurses and midwives and everyone said it was normal and that gracie was only trying to stimulate my supply in order to have enough milk in the future. she would eventually have shorter feeds and have them less often. a week into breastfeeding i bought a pump to help take the strain off of my sore nipples. BIG MISTAKE! at least, for me it was. i pumped and managed to get a little under 20ml. i panicked, was this really all i had in me? was this really all my little girl was getting to eat? no wonder she was always on me, she was starving! she wasn't getting near enough food and if i continued this way i'd surely starve her. this is the point where i nearly drove myself to the local tesco to buy formula. but i just couldn't bear the thought. i sat there crying again and thinking how i was such a failure and couldn't feed my little girl. my husband said we'd talk to the midwife and ask her advice. we did and it was then that i learned lesson #2: your child can never be replaced by a machine. my little girl was much more efficient than any machine ever would be and for this reason i should never assume that what i express is all that gracie is getting. never doubt mother nature, it's a perfect science. i may have to endure a 2 hour feed, but i now know that gracie is definitely getting fed; she's just a hungry little bugger and a growing girl and that 2 hours is fine by me...anyway, i get to stare at my babes the whole time she's there and admire her.

finally, lesson #3: there is nothing like being able to comfort your child in a way that no one else on earth can; it makes all the struggle worth it. for all the times i nearly quit i can now say that it only made me realise just how much i wanted this. i always knew that i wanted to breastfeed but had heard so many women who had gone before me say that they weren't able to. and i suppose i began to think that there was a chance i wouldn't be able to either. i didnt' know why, but i just didn't want to get my hopes up in case i too wasn't able to. i honestly thought to myself that it wasn't that big a deal so not to fuss too much over it. however, when i was sitting there with gracie in my arms screaming her lungs out and thinking i couldn't do it anymore and that that was it i was going to tesco to buy formula i felt an absolute horrible mother. i felt that i wasn't giving up on breastfeeding, i was giving up on gracie. and i FINALLY realised why so many women struggled with the decision of not having breastfed their baby, because it wasn't about failing at breastfeeding, it was about failing to be a good mother. and while i can say that breastfeeding does not equal being a good mother i will say that when i was at my lowest point i did equate these two together in my own mind and i'm glad i did because it got be through another dreadful feed and to a point where i can now look back and be proud of what we've accomplished and look forward and be happy about our journey ahead.

gracie passed out drunk with her milky mouth (how can a mother resist?):

My Birth Story

i should begin by saying, if you're squeemish or if you are easily embarrassed then don't read this because i'm going to be going into all the nasty gorry details.

it wasn't the birth i had planned for, but it ended up being much more amazing than i could've ever expected. nick and i had planned to have a water birth at home. we'd rented a birthing pool for the house, bought all of the necessary supplies and were ready and waiting from 38 weeks. at 40 weeks i was offered a stretch and sweep to try and get things moving and with my internal examination (Tuesday, Nov. 24) i was told that my cervix was still unfavourable and was only dilated 1 cm and baby was still not fully engaged. i felt this required serious action so i did a two day vigorous workout which included a few hours of walking and a few hours of bouncing on my birthing ball.

thursday morning i woke up about 2 am for the usual toilet break and found i'd lost my plug. the midwife had warned me that a stretch and sweep would give me this so i tried not to get myself too excited. i spent the next 24 hours with serious period cramps and with every trip to the toilet i lost more of my plug.

friday, nov 27th at 1:20 am i woke up with a horrific pain in my stomach that felt like i had to run to the toilet for a desperate poo so i tried to hurry out of bed as fast as my fat pregnant body would let me and i got as far as the bedroom door before feeling a warm liquid running between my legs. i don’t know why, but i immediately began to panic. i knew it was my waters and i knew what that meant, but i just went into absolute panic mode. i started shouting (in a weird hushed voice, so as not to wake my parents in the next room) at nick to get up. i start telling him my waters have broke and start freaking out that they’re going to ruin the floorboards and for him to get something to clean it up quick.

he managed to get me to calm down and go to the toilet. while in the toilet i had another sharp pain and realised that i was having contractions; it was a horrible dull tingly feeling that snuck up from my back and around my tummy. back in the living room we began tracking my contractions. they were tracking at about 5 minutes apart so we phoned the labour ward and told them that my water had broke and that i was having contractions and that i was scheduled for a home birth. a midwife, Mark, was sent out to assess me but upon taking my vitals noticed that my blood pressure was really high. actually, it was so high that he expressed his concern with my having a homebirth so we agreed we'd go into the hospital. he gave me a quick internal exam before we left the house and i was told i was 3-4 cm dilated and everything seemed favourable and ready to go; my contractions were also now 3 minutes apart.

nick and i threw our hospital bag (thankfully i was prepared for the scenario) into the car and off we went. i had about 4-5 contractions on the way over to the hospital and nick had to pull over each time cause it was too much to endure while driving. by the time we got to the hospital at about 6 am i was in serious pain. my contractions were a lot stronger and i immediately asked for gas & air, which they gave me straight away. i sat up on the table for about 2 hours just getting myself from one contraction to the next. it was fairly uneventful except for the constant indigestion from my thanksgiving meal i'd had about 12 hours prior. needless to say, i was pleased when i managed to chuck up 3 containers worth of turkey and dressing and dessert all over the place because at least i didn't have to feel that horrible sick feeling anymore.

i remember announcing to the staff and my husband at this point that the contractions didn't feel good, but once one had passed i felt a million bucks and like i could run a marathon. the midwife kinda chuckled and said, "well that's great," in his all knowing way. little did i know that within a few minutes i'd feel very different. my contractions got worse, as they do, and i was actually so exhausted that i wasn't even able to open my eyes between some contractions. i would have enough time during my 2-3 minute break to recover just in time for the next one to hit with full force.

at 8 am i was examined again and was told i was 8 cm dilated. it was then suggested that i take a trip to the toilet to see if i could empty my bladder. while on the toilet i had another contraction, this time without the gas & air and it was actually less painful than the ones i'd been feeling all morning so i told nick i wanted to sit on the toilet. he went and told the midwives and they found me a wheely toilet that i could sit on in my room. i actually had to take a picture so that i could remember it later:

i honestly felt like this saved me; it still hurt, but i felt less pain in my back. i spent the next 2 hours sitting on this toilet-chair thing. at this point one of my 2 midwives announced that she had to run to a meeting so she was going to leave us with the trainee. lol. this may seem like a terrifying situation to anyone else but this trainee was amazing and i'd not even noticed she was a trainee until this point when i was told. also, i could've cared less who was there; i was in a world of my own by this point.

it was about 10 am and nick and i were the only ones left in the room and it was about this time that i began to feel a couple of really really strong contractions. the pressure down below was unimaginable and i was beginning to get that pushing urge that everyone had warned me about. a contraction hit and right in the middle i felt that urge but couldn't communicate through the pain so just started shouting, "PUSH!!! PUSH!!!" while trying with all my might not to push. when the contraction passed i panted at nick, "the next one i'm going to have to push." nick pushed the emergency button which called the trainee back in, but she seemed slightly panicked when we said that i was going to start pushing and the midwife still wasn't back from her meeting, but thank god she came into the room just then.

another comical moment that i was told later wast that the midwife asked that i get up on the table and at this moment i told her that i thought i'd poo'd in my little toilet chair and that i wanted her to check for me before i went to the bed. she was trying to be really nice and began reassuring me that these things happened and not to be embarrassed, yadda yadda yadda...to which i replied, "that's great but i'm not embarrassed, i just don't wish to be dropping poo from here to the bed and then smelling my own shit." lol.

anyway, they checked me and i was 10 cm dilated and they said i was now there and could begin pushing with my next contraction. i couldn't believe it. after all this it was time. they started readying a table with tools and it all hit me that i would be with my little one in just a short time.

i wanted to get back in my wheely toilet and off the table again but they wouldn't let me since they needed to be able to deliver baby. instead they started discussing changing the position of the bed and lo and behold they started shifting what could only be described as a transformer bed. it started making all these sounds and the bottom started dropping out of it and within seconds i was sitting in a chair with a hole that would leave me exposed for the baby to come out. i also had steel hand grips that came up from the sides for me to grip on to. it was the most amazing thing ever and gave me such a relief.

so with the next contractions i began to feel the need to push and i was pushing, but apparently i wasn't pushing hard enough and the midwife threatened to take the gas & air away. i just shook my head and then looked at nick while gritting my teeth on the gas mouthpiece and said, "don't you let them take it." they agreed that if i could focus and push then i could keep it. so i did. with the next contraction i bit down and pushed with all my might. it was actually a great feeling. it was probably the easiest part of my entire labour because for once i wasn't having to fight the pain i was able to just go with it and do the most natural thing that my body was telling me to do. about 3 good pushes later and i felt a gush of warm liquid and knew my baby was out.

the midwife announced we had a little girl and plopped her down on my chest and just like that the rest of the room disappeared. nick and i had a good long look at her and they got her breastfeeding right away. once her cord stopped beating they cut it and i began began my 3rd stage of labour, delivery of the placenta. i'll be honest, it's all a bit hazy after my gracie was born, but i can piece bits together and nick and the doctors have given me the rest of the details.

i remember there was a point when i was told that baby was going to go have cuddles with daddy in the corner and about this time a parade of people came into the room. i'd decided on a physiological delivery of my placenta without the syntocinon injection, however my body didn't react kindly to this decision. i began bleeding out and as a result was given they syntocinon shot anyway. i remember being turned around staring at my gracie in her daddy's arms and then feeling this really sharp pain in my leg like a really bad bee sting and shouting, "SHIT!" and then turning to the nurse that had just given the injection and telling her, "that hurt worse than the labour!!!" she didn't seem impressed, but i managed to get a laugh out of the rest of the room.

after loads of panic and running around, the midwives and nurses and doctors left and it seemed all had calmed down. i later found out i lost a liter of blood and this resulted in my spending a couple days in the hospital and having a transfusion to get me up to a safe level to go home. it was heartbreaking having to stay in the hospital away from my family and away from nicholas, but as everyone said it was for my own safety. i was in a pretty bad state, too. the whole of that friday was really hard for me. every little thing i did sent my body into shock. going to the bathroom left me trying to recover for at least 15 minutes. i felt horrible because i couldn't really pick up gracie since i was so weak and it terrified me that i'd pass out and drop her. i just got to stare at her and enjoy her being with her daddy. i did have a moment of fear when i realised i'd not had any bonding time, but that night at the hospital when it was just me and her we had some good cuddles and it was then that it hit me that she was my baby and i was her mommy.

despite the pain and blood loss, it was without question the most amazing experience of my life. i can't believe i actually did it! and i have the most amazing family to show for it.

delivery summary:

first stage - 8 hr 20 min

second stage - 30 min

third stage - 15 min

I had a spontaneous labour, 2nd degree tear and syntocinon for the 3rd stage due to a bleed out.

my wonderful midwives Theresa and Henrietta (Mark had already left):

2 more weeks?!?!?!?! can that be????

i woke up yesterday morning with the realisation that i only have a couple more weeks left before i'll be within two weeks of my due date, which means i could have baby at any time after! i kept thinking it's still october so i still have about a month, but i don't, in 2 weeks it'll be november and i'll have to be ready to go at any time. AHHHH!!!!!!

i'm so excited but i just don't know if i'm ready yet; oh well, i guess there's no stopping it now. i think i've grown a lot in the last couple weeks. i didn't think i had but i went to put on the largest t-shirt in my closet that i'd been wearing throughout my whole pregnancy and realised that it was getting a little tight :( . i suppose once you get this big you can't just look and tell you've been

growing, you can only feel more uncomfortable and heavier and sense your clothes getting more snug. i only have around 2 maternity tops i can wear now without exposing my belly and even

with those it's a constant battle of tugging to make sure they stay down.

nick and i have decided to use cloth diapers, or as they're called here 'real nappies'. i was going to try to make some myself because they looked pretty easy to make but it turns out they're not really. i made a couple but gave up and decided i'd wait until i bought some and then i'd try to use them as a pattern. i guess they aren't really that hard to make they're just tedious cause there's elastic and lining and all that and it just takes ages to make one. we have a nappy fair on the 31st of October that we're going to and i'm going to buy the bulk of the nappies there and bring them home and make some more.

here's a picture of the one that i did make and the liners that go with them:

and here's an up to date picture of me (34+4):

i should also mention that we've decided to go for a natural home birth in a birthing pool. i have to discuss it with the midwife this week and book in my risk assessment and rent a pool from the hospital. i'm really excited. every time i'd think of having the baby in the hospital i would tense up and i felt like i should because everyone kept saying so and because it's a hospital so it's supposed to be safer but after talking to people and assessing the risk and really analysing it i realised it's not really safer or better. if something happened at home the midwives would send me to the hospital anyway and as i'm only about 5 minutes from the hospital it wouldn't really be that much of a problem. i've been to the maternity ward here and it's not the nicest place to be and my fellow americans should keep in mind that it's not the same in our hospitals. we don't get private rooms, we aren't even guaranteed a room because of staffing and space issues (lack of them being the main issue). at least if i'm at home i know that i won't have to struggle with finding a bed or getting comfortable and i won't have to worry about relaxing afterwards in a room full of other people and their families and hundreds of screaming newborns.

knitting:

i have a few knitting projects on the go at the moment. i make plans to knit something for someone and then once i start them i think, "maybe i'll just knit them and see what i think and decide afterwards who they go to." my problem at the moment is deciding what to knit (if anything) for my mother in law. i know my mother will wear anything and i'm comfortable deciding her what she'll like, but i'm not sure about my mother in law and i'd hate to give her something she'd hate. we'll see...i'm going to finish the projects this week (or i should anyway) and then i'll block them and post pictures and you guys can help me decide.